Family Black Dog Rant Reality
Ok so I know this subject will get you thinking whether you had a super duper up bringing or a fucking horrible one as a black dog.So for starters I come from a Middle class family with a mom,dad and two brothers.My dad was a hard working man,but very cold as a person.Never really spent quality time with us kids.But provided well.My mom,well at times she would work.She did well at making sure we had what we needed for food and school.But she was the biggest bitch ever.She was a borderline alcoholic for years and abusive.To this day a full fledged drunk as per money is there and a mean bitch to everyone..She was the disiplinary one in the home.She whooped us well.But I I guess was a huge little fucker to deserve what was handed.So I always hear people say.Fuck them,child vs adult.No comparison.I had bruises that lasted weeks sometimes.I got 3 full punches to the face as a kid under 15.Yes I called her a bitch one of those times and got it.Not cool even if I called her the C word.I spent few nights sleeping at parks,in the dog house out back once.SI was kicked out alot,older brother as well,She was a little crazy about my whoopings.Yes I had a big mouth,but not that big for what I got.Any fucking way,my skin is crawling thinking of that aweful women.I could swear to this day a Blind and drunk Pelican dropped me off as I am just not like any of them.At this point I thought family love never existed or wouyld I ever be able to love.So of course I was just like every other kid.Played sports,went to school and had friends from there.Just mostly hockey friends and few from school.Really when it comes down to it now and back then.I could not care a less about most of them fuckheads,fucktards and tallywack bitches now.Most were back stabbing fuckers and drama queens.Most still are at 40 gossiping and being...um lets just say at a child frame of mind still.Anyway see inside I was burning at a young age.I was unguided and feeling so unwanted and unloved.I had a mind that needed set onto the right course.was a smart little kid inside.See back then I was a great minded kid and loving to those that were kind and helpful and guided me.But I took to a life of knocking off heads to release my inside pain of being lonely and feeling unloved realizing I never really had a family.Don't get me wrong.I felt loved at times,really not a whole lot from 12 to 15 til I left home at 15 and never ever went back.To be a little kid and be such a black dog,that is fucking hard and ate me up so bad insideThe devil would of got fucked up if he tried to take me.I had so much rage and pain,hurt and crazy loneliness in me.My older brother had a serious drug problem back then,he was a cool guy.So he was all over the ball park,so looking up to him was not gonna happen.We talk still but not much really.Almost like I am just there cause we have same mom.Mom beat his ass alot too.My little brother was a momma's boy and never got whooped much.Mom focused all her energy on him when we got older.To this day he is good guy too and family man.So being so unguided by my parents as the black dog. I was a terror for a while.Did some serious bad shit over a 5 - 8 year span.Things I am ashamed of to this day,some not and some I will never talk about cause it hurts to.I knew things were going bad.And really if I was not a Black dog.See I always thought family was always there no matter what.To this day,I know that islitterally a bloody lie to most.But in reality I never had a family to pick me up,so I needed something.I was starting to be a crazy ass not having love around me.Finally I met a women in my 20's.I was looking at a 15 yr prison sentence.That special women I met made me start to see some light and realise what love was and watching her family and others.Made me want more..I had a 6 month old little girl that I was never allowed to see.I cherished her,My own mother would back stab me to see her instead of telling me when she had her.This also ate me up bad inside about being a black dog.My own fucking loser mother blocking me to see my own child,Yah I know right.Black dog over kill.Anyway this new women got pregnant.I had this weird feeling inside like a something was now out of my control inside of me in a different way,that fire inside was cooling down.That black dog feeling.I never cared about it as much as I used too.I was having my own family.Was gonna love them forever no matter what.Now in love and looking at a huge prison term.I got my shit together,I had alot of court dates in 6 months.When the big day came for court trial,I beat all charges.I was so damn guilty and in sorrows of my actions.Was the last time I ever stepped in a court room because I was smashing heads.Now I was still a crazy mad young man inside and hurt.But it was going away.I found myself and learned how to control my actions and my life.I am pretty fucking groovy and stellar guy to this day.Straight up with real life experiences.I now have 5 kids and have a pretty tight nit family and close with all my kids.I used my up bringing to guide them.I loved them always.I always told them the truth about life and they were loved.In a no beat around the bush shit..Let them learn things nobody will ever teach you.You you go into the world you need to know more then fucking school.There are no hand outs unless mommy and daddy loaded.I will never black dog my children or turn away from them.I would let one stab me and not walk away still.I have been callled names when they been mad.But never kicked them out for it.Moral of this Black dog rant write.If your gonna have children,be there for them.I have my opinion about my parents as I still to this day don't talk to them.Dad is just a cold hearted dead beat prick to all grand children but two and the other is a mean dead beat and bitchy drunk.Both are dead beat losers to me.Both ignore my children as well if they were black dogs too.I became close with my kids cause I wanted them to always know someone would be there to love them.It fucking turned me crazy and full of pain.I never wanted my kids to have to go through that much pain.I know a few black dog parents,they are awesome and very loving with them kids they have.But also learned so much and I am a very active guy and loving over alot of life lessions of hurt.I volunteer in the community to help out,I help anyone I can and motivate everyone who needs it.No one should feel lonely from your family.Black dogs are in every culture and across the globe.In alot of places there is more then others.I truly think that people should get a license to parent.Black dogging and black balling family...wtf.It is your born blood.No law would or could even change that at all..Moral is dont have kids if you can't hack it,so letting this black dog post of mine out.Maybe it will curb someone who is black dogging someone and they can hear the pain it causes.And for others to let them know there is ways to heal and others who have gone through it can see someone else knows the pain.Keep your family close,there are those of us that do not have any.Up until about 5 years ago I wished my mom and dad would give me a hug and say they loved me and were proud of me on how I raised my family.But nope,so fuck them.They miss out cause I got a super duper fucking tight and happy happy.We are not rich,but money never bought anyone feelings anyway.Cheers.Be groovy,be stellar and always be you.And if you don't know who you is.FIND THEM....
Rudi Jensen
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you one crazy cracka
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