My explanation of my holiday absence

So I have got a tone of emails about why this holiday season I was so quiet.So I will explain myself.Christmas was not a very loving and happy time this year.One I would rather forget.There was love,but love with pain.Had a few family and friends in hopsital and that consumed me at most.My brothers wife is battling stage 4 cancer and struggling daily.Watching my little brother and his family slowly start to fall apart.That has me struggling on the inside and emotional.My inlaw is on her hospital bed as well doing not so great,watching the kids and the mother of my kids suffer for that.I am pulling that pain also.I lost a great friend on the Dec 22.My daughter was supposed to spend Christmas with her and my granddaughter.That never happened and left me in a great deal of pain and sorrow.Made me very sad and withdrawn from everyone.I could sit and hide it some.But with all the hospital trips and emotional people all around.I started to lose myself at a alarming rate.I ignored alot of people and kept quiet over the holidays.I had a few temper tantrums in parking lots smashing on my steering wheel screaming bad words.Trying to find myself at that moment.I usually keep stress and drama far apart from my life.But hospital stress,death and being punked off by family.We have no control over that.In the last few weeks there are people I have likely lost that I cared a great deal about.But will have to live with it.I am not one to air my dirty laundry looking for sympathy.I have recieved hundreds of email asking where I have been and if I am ok.Well this is part of it.So I hope you understand.For all my followers and readers that took time to write me and wish me Merry Christmas.To see if I was ok as I was silent.I say thank you kindly.I am greatly appreciative over them.For those who are all pissy and maybe hurt about my absence.Well lets just say I am not perfect and I cry,break,lose control as well.This was one of them times.So I apoligize for that.Thanks for reading my work and thank you again.Rudi Jensen