My first overnight on my own at 13,kicked out of parents

So the title says it all,So what most of you would call your mother,mom,mommy.Mine was my a complete nightmare growing up.So mine was and still is a very mean,not so happy and alcoholic crazy bitch.I had my ass whooped almost daily and yes for times.I would of whooped my kids ass too.But on other occasions,I deserved nothing especially some of the ass whoopings I had got.So growing up with this women the mood changes were unbearable.So if you knew our family growing up,you knew our mother was a hard ass.I got lickings ike no tomorrow,some were so bad I could could not sit for days.Once I threatned to call child services on her and she beat my ass good.Then told me to call them after.So anyway my child hood was very rough.I had no guidance as my parents gave up on me.No I was not that bad,see I used to think I was.Then when I got older parents of kids I hung out with and such.Would tell me that I was not that bad.But my mother if she had a bad day.It was taken out on me.To this day I can not stand her,do not talk with her at all what so ever.She has not changed in 40 yrs only to be more of a bitch.Now I know some of you are like that is still your mom.Well fuck who cares if she deleivered me.You still need to be a mother then.By time I was 15 I was on my own.So anyway at 13 my mother had whooped my ass so bad and straight out punched me in the face.I flipped out and she kicked me out.So this being around dinner time during month of November it was a tad chilly out in Calgary..So when we were kids we used to go play in the local forest in the area where I lived and play army and such.So we had a tone of forts to go to.Well at this point I knew that is my only option to stay warm for the night.So anyway when she kicked me out,she fucked off to drink some more beer at the neighbors house.Well I had broke in.Stole a lighter,clothes and food,blanket and went to the bush.So we had found a old fox hole some friends and myself months prior.We dug it out more and made it our go to place,perfect shelter.That is where I started to go to,remember I am only 13 yrs old.When I look back now to that day.I could never picture my 13 year old kid outside overnight.Knowing as a adult,the mother did not even care to see if I was ok for the night.What a cold bitch.So on my way there the light was going and it was getting darker and I am in a huge hurry as I need to stay warm as the temperature is dropping fast on that November night.I can almost still feel the chill and fear in the air when I talk about this and the smell of the fox hole.I get to the fox hole in the pitch black.Only light I had was the moonlight to light my path in the densed forest area.So all the way there I had cried my eyes out.Not because I was scared of the forest and the dark.Hell we used to lie saying we were having sleep overs and then have overnights at our forts.But I was crying so confused and hurt deep on how a parent could kick their 13 yr old outside half way into winter.I was so mad and so upset and  shaking so bad.I climbed into the fox hole and layed on my back and cried for a hour or so.Then I got up to what was the scariest and most eye opening night of my childhood.I had started a fire and warmed up a tad as at this point the Alberta tempature was closing in on some fucking cold snap coming .So at this point my mind is all over the place.Do I wanna just hop a train and run away forever or should I kill myself and be done forever.Thoughts we should never ever have to endure as a child nor adult. I was in so much pain deep inside feeling like fire burnng inside of me and I just wanted it to end.I knew I was no perfect child.But who the fuck is,I knew enough I did not deserve what I got..So I tied my coat and strings from my shoes around a tree branch and stared at it for what seemed like hours.Then stood up,climbed the tree and tied the make shift rope around my neck.Jumped down and started to hang myself,just about the point where my body was shutting down and I was gonna pass out .The string broke on the shoelace broke and I dropped to the ground and rolled down the hill.Banging off tree's and broken branches,got  banged up pretty bad and bruised a few ribs.I was so fucking mad.I just wanted all my pain to stop and to me that was the only way I knew how to make it stop.So I picked myself up from the roll down the hill and walked back up the hill to fox hole.Well to make my night even fucking worse,there were 3 coyotes sitting there.They so wanted to eat my tender little 13 yr old skin.They were snarling at me,making lunges towards me,at this point I never gave a fuck about anything.I said fuck it.Picked up a big branch and ran at them.They did not flinch one bit,but I cracked one in the mouth with my tree branch and it came charging at me right after.I went to swing again and lost my footing and fell.I smashed my head off a tree and knocked myself out.I woke up sometime after and no coyotes were around me,at this point I started to think.Did I imagine that or did it happen.So crying in madness and hurt.I went and crawled into the fox hole.Only to be greated seconds later with teeth from a coyote snarling at me.So the hole was about 4 ft high and about 6 ft wide and about 8 ft long.I was at the back of the hole when before I realized and the coyote sleeping in there realized we are merly feet away.Well the asshole sat there snarling and drooling for about 20 min.Then I slowly reached in my pocket and grabbed my knife and lighter.I flicked the lighter continuously and took a swipe with my knife at it,It almost bit my face just losing its shit now.I kicked it twice and I was so scared no screams would come out of my mouth.I was shaking like a earthquake.It has lunged at me and bite my shoe at this poitn after I kicked it.I then found my voice through my terror and screamed at it and threw my knife at it.Remember this is dead night fall and light is very dim.To me in that hole,all I can see and still remember to this day is the eyes glowing and teeth flaring with drool.When I threw my knife the coyote yelped and ran out of holeTo this day,not sure if knife stuck it or just hurt it.Never did my my knife or a blood trail in morning.I was slipping in my shit so scared he was gonna go get his buddies.So I went out side and made a fire outside the hole and inside the hole.I collected branches to block off the door way so nothing could get in.I again so tired and mad,so much pain and hurt.I layed on my back inside the hole.Trying to find ways to die fast.I spent much of my child hood wanting to be dead and taken away from her and many other things. All my friends are scared of her still to this day.So all that night I thought alot for a 13 yr old.I knew that if I ever had kids.I would never kick them out.Now dont get me wrong,when your kid is 18 or 25.Yes kick them out if need be. They are no child nomore,but I swore to myself I be the best dad ever.Over the overnight I went home 2 days later,cold and hungry.I got my ass whooped good because I never came home.Go figure after you were told to leave.This was the first and not last time I was kicked out for the night over next 2 years before I left.When I did leave home.I never ever went back,she has no time for me in her life me now at 40 and I have none for her. She does not include her self with my kids,nor many others for that matter.TMy kids have all tried with her. But she is so mad and into her alcohol,they see that and give up.Takes 2 people to make things happen.You cant chase people to be in your life. It does not matter to her,she to selfish to think of anyone else. Myself I am way happier now that I have nothing to do with her,bothered me for many years into my adult hood.As I watched myself grow and her not.I just think it is a shame that I grew up to have many many people respect me,follow the positive words I write and myself.Sahme she could never be part of my growth. I was traumitized early from ass whoopings and being kicked out.I never cared to see her again.I now do what I can in life to help people find ways to deal with their kids.I try to promote family activities with other parents so they can bond more.I am super close with all my kids and wanna keep it like that forever.They will talk to me about anything and so will I.People never lie to your kids.Be straight up with them.Tell them life is hard and shit dont come by crying over miniscule shit.Keep your kids close and they will forever be close to you.Rudi Jensen