The passing of a second mom and Legend

So as life goes on and we all get older.More diseases come alive airborn and germs,our organs,bones,tendons and nerves.We are breaking down at a slow rate.So with this post I want to go on about how I know I am a loving and can be emotional guy.Being married to a women for 20 years,her mother has recently passed away.She was a good old stern lady.When I first met her,she was baffled by my way of talking.Took her a few years to be used to me.In that time she went from being some square tight ass mother in law to a pretty cool and down to earth women.She even started to learn how to let loose the word fuck and fuck you.She would always flip people the bird in traffic.My kids always thought it was hilarious.In all these years we all had struggles with each other.Thing is as time went by I was a member of their family now.I ended up marrying her daughter and making a well strong life.I never came out ever and let her know.But she was like a mom to me,even though I was with her daughter.She knew the pain I carried deep inside of not having parents.And let me tell you there is no pain in the world harder to handle then to know you have parents that treat you like you dont exist.Well I have parents but they are both dead beats assholes to this day.She helped mold me into a better man where I was lacking.For years we kinda just lived around and put up with each other.I think in the end as we were tight but not totally tight if you know what I mean.We both just wanted the other to accept and love each other.So to my dispar when she passed away last week.My feelings inside are still a tad not sure what to think.I tell you it hurt me like a mother fucker.I walked in the hospital for a visit.There she was on the bed off to a peaceful world.My heart stopped,my mind stopped.Felt like I had lost something huge in my life.Being there with her daughter and her son.It would of been selfish of me to look for the comfort of the pain I was feeling.For that split second walking in that room and having all my tough manliness fall to my feet.Felt like I just lost my own mother.See with me I was out of my house fully moved out by 15.I kept some contact with my parents.But they mean fuck all to me as much as my mother in law did.My parents over the years.They never shared any of my glory for my accomplishments,school,kids,awards I won or came to my fights when I fought.No matter how sick I was or injured.I never got calls for birthdays,holidays over the years.This women,she always asked how I was and applauded me for things well done.So this took me by surprise,I am just a human wreck inside watching everyone else mourn over thier loss.I sometimes think that I have no right to mourn over her.But when you have a parent like figure in your life when you have nothing.It was a great feeling and I feel I have that right.In the 20 years I was with her daughter,she was more of a mother and a longer mother figure to me then my own mother was.I considered her my second mom.But being first if you know what I mean.Do the math,I was at home till 15,I been with Virginia for 20 years.Of course she was considered my mom and loved her like you should love a mom.I tell you I never ever did tell poor old Gracey that.Never wanted it to swell her head.It was really nice to know towards the end I meant alot to the at times quirky old bat.And I tell you,we butted heads like two Rams in breeding season.We have had some great memories that have been made and will always topel over others.At times where I thought I was a shitty father,life was falling apart and I started to give up.She always reminded me I was the best dad and my kids just loved and adored me.She would always say you do your best and if someone cant handle that.Screw them..She would remind me I was going to hell all the time because my body was so slender,and she was not,ha ha.Well little does she know,her leaving makes me feel like I am in hell right now.My emotions have shocked the shit out of me,trying to comfort my children and their mother.They are on edge ready to burst.So many things that nobody was ever proud of me for.BUT HER.I will miss that about her alot.We had some views on religion that were the same.It can fuck off,if there really is a God.Boy oh boy is she ever got a few words for him.She came from a big family full of Jehovah Witnesses.So our talks on that were funnier then shit.She would telll me every second or third visit that her and Barry(father in law) loved me like one of their own.I never truly believed it,but did at the same time.So while I write this blog being a blobbering idiot crying all over my keyboard.I think of all the things we had over the years from hardships to the gains we made as a whole family.My kids willl dearly miss her and her quirky ways,we will miss our family visits and her raised one eyed looks to us.We all know your in a better place without discomfort and we wish you well dancing and flipping the bird to those afar wherever you may end up.She is a very special women,brought her self up alone and became a great women.Survived by her 2 sons(Doug and Stuart Fullerton) her husband Barry,her daughter Virginia Jensen,Her Great grand daughter Kashtyn Brookes Jensen,grand daughters Jazmyn Jensen,Sydney Jensen,Kiira Jensen and her two grand sons Justis Jensen and Maximis Jensen.And by me Rudi Jensen.

You will be loved where ever you find your resting place,sure you will ride peoples asses wherever you are and flipping birds to all as well.With much love and respect.Love Rudi xoxoxo.Thanks for having me as part of your family.I will never forget how you touched me myself.