Being Consumed by others

So for a whole lot of us out there,we get consumed by other people sometimes. Whether it may be greed,drama,family fueds with siblings,parents or children. It all wears us down over time and consumes us. We all have a loved one that is rude,selfish,mean and think the world owes them. But can switch to a Angel when they want something. The late night calls,the dramatic drama conversations that are always the same but reworded. Or the one day it is I love you,then I hate you,I love you,I am ashamed of you,I wish you were dead,I need help kinda day.I wanna borrow money all the time kinda day.When you rufuse,of course your the evil one. Everything is a joke or written off like nothing. Like it is a rush to bring drama in and out of someone's life.Like it empowers them or a rush to be mean and think it is ok 2 or 3 days later to be around like nothing has happened or was said.. And to just be forgotton about. We all have one person like this. Now don't get me wrong we love them to peices. But the rudeness and selfish part,it is really hard not to walk away. When you hear of it happening to someone. You want to feel for them and think you are. But at the same really never truly know how it feels. Unless it happens to you. Now I have had this done to me a few times. I will tell you at first, it hurt and I dropped a few tears. To me that was ok,I thought it was just a bad day for them. But then it to days,months and went on for years and got worse.So now there was not just hurt.I was in pain,always nervous to see them and when I did. I was vibing inside and crying all over waiting for the pain to be unleashed. There were days I would avoid them,I was either a vent or a punching bag of hateful words for them or I was made of money. Like I made life the way it was going for them. So natually you feel used,loved when needed,emotionally stabbed at free will. 

So eventually the pain had consumed me over the years.I actually started to blame myself for the way they were. "I know right? 

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING"

Thinking I could of did more,had more money,the perfect anything I would of offered. I was more then vibing now apon seeing them. I was having heart attack like symptoms and shaking like a shopping cart with a fucked up wobbly tire going through a farmers field. I would cry for a hour here and a hour there. Blaming me or right out trying to figure out what the fuck happened.Yesterday or last week was rainbows and flying saucers kinda happy.Today is Freddy fucking Kreuger off the wall cray cray.Or good life one day with Mr.Dressup and the Smurfs and then the next month some Devil Ninja attacking you at endless angles the next month."get the picture" Then I eventually started to see a pattern of it all,that pattern set me free. I knew when it was drama,could tell when it was for money and could definately know when it was things that would consume me. No more balling my eyes out or shaking like a earthquake. Now I would be a complete lying asshole to say this was easy to start to fade from being consumed. And to this day I still have this person appear in my life at times. Certain things still destroy me,but I do my best to not let it consume me. It is not that I dont give a fuck about them. Just I now know,sure the fuck was not me. So I guess I started to put a bullet proof me on. It was not easy,one of the hardest things I ever fucking did before. Now we can carry love for someone close to us. But eventually with drama,greed and fueds it breaks down the bond of it. Whether it through family or friends,love will fade over being consumed. Whether it fades for yourself or for others. Myself I like to say a few things. Like don't bite the hands that feeds. Burning a loving and safe place,leaves you alone and stranded. Always have a safehouse in life,free mind house. Always nice to have a place of love and peace to go to in need. Never burn,break or destroy that.Can lead you consumed,Anyway few things to live by. Stay strong if you have one...But know when too draw the line....Rudi Jensen

Be groovy

Be stellar 

and

Be you.