Reality of mourning after losing someone

As we all get older the big "D" death comes faster then we would all like to think. Especially the older we get. Whether it be by natural causes,disease or a unruly act. This can touch the nerves for so many people in various ways of pain.. We all hold space for someone in our hearts more then another. No it does not make us bad to love one person more then another. We will always hold more for one parent,spouse or friend then another. How people touch our hearts is unique from each person and will always vary. When someone passes on,it is gonna feel like we are drowning in a puddle of pain. The mixed emotions running through us are binded and bonded inside us from years of love,friendship and laughter. Sometimes we get stuck in a trap of emotions fluttering through every moment we start to live without them. We hold such a strong connection to those that have gone. It will mess with us deep down in our memories. We start to fail at things as our hearts are broken and have many thoughts passing through our minds..In no way at all we should ever feel that crying,wanting to be alone and mourn should ever be a problem. If someone does have a problem,fuck them. We all mourn different then another,that is just life. Having lost all moments now,our minds start to seek moments to keep the passing of someone front and center. Which is gonna be expected and the length of the mourning all breaks down. To the love and moments you have spent with one and created. Regular meetings,outings,late night talks or cries are no longer there. The mood changes we can have while holding space in our lives for a lost one can vary is so many ways. At times we can actually lose family and friends over this. Our employers feel the effect in many cases as well. The way we hold someone deep to us when alive can change so drastically when they pass. Fogging the minds of the even most strongest individuals. Leaving us feeling empty all over. Feeling numb everytime the thought of them arises. The smell of thier clothes and places of contact and visit. Losing someone is so much like stumbling through the darkness lost in the woods. Many can't cope with the lose and go through many years of pain and hurt. In many case's this leads to counseling and medication. Not in all cases,but many. Boils down to the deep connection of contact we had and how much it meant to us. Alot of people around you,will in fact. Let thier ego's try to control how your mourn after a while. But if anything they should support,give you guidence and make you feel safe and loved. Like your there for them mentally and emotionally. They is no way to make yourself unbreakable in life,no way we can ever prepare for death at any age. The way we bond in time over sharing space,circumstance and connection with someone. Could never have us ready for it,due to the fact when things are going well. The last thing we all think of,is someone passing on and leaving us with a empty feeling. For all the feelings,the endless hours of crying,the heart break,sleepness nights.Lonely days we have losing someone. We at some point,sooner then later. Have to get over the fact they are not coming back. Of course still mourn,cant say that enough. We lose so many things realizing this,but is the fact. I am not saying few months after your spouse dies. To go and hook up again,but do realize it is apon you to move on at some point. Whether you ever love someone again or it just for companionship. Some prefer to be alone for rest of time,which is fine. We all have reason's for making choices to please our heart and minds. If you have lost a friend or family member,we still need to move on. Too stronger bonds and friendships with others. New starts in life can be very exhausting and stressful. But again can bring so many enlightened moments to your mind and heart. Yes they may never be the same as you had before with a previous lover,family or friend. But that is how we begin to hold space in our hearts and minds for others. Moments in our personal life is what makes us love and care for those close to us,building bonds and binding us together in each others minds. We will have different experiences with each person we meet in life,usaully never being the same as another. Some will be good and some will be bad. Nothing will ever compare to having the close friendships where you spill your guts,complain about your spouse or sibling. Try new things like you would never do with another. We will dearly miss moments like this for years to come. The smirk on someones face,their laughter. The way the run or the way dance. Or the way your lover or spouse looks at you with love in their eyes. The way they cherish the every ground you walk on. The hurt we feel for moments like this will hurt us for a very long time. Holidays are going to seem like hell for years to come. For those who lose parents. Mothers and Fathers day will be some of the hardest memories to live with for many years to come. For lovers it will be the aniversary,birthday,holidays .Some will always say,If losing a spouse. They will never love again,I really hope not. Love is something everyone should feel and never give up on upon losing someone. We should all hold space in our hearts and minds for someone and have someone holding it for us. Whether it be through friendship or love and family. I have not experienced a very painful hurt from losing someone in my life,but one. Whether it was because I held the wrong kind of space for someone. Or the moments we shared as friends and family was just not with not enough meaning to really touch me. Maybe cause I was younger. But now as I get older,alot of people that are close to me are getting older now and ill. I feel the hurt starting to now. So who knows how I will feel then. The most hurt I have ever experienced was from the passing of my mother in law few months back. She was closer to a mother figure to me in 20 years then mine ever was. The hurt I felt when she passed was not one I was aware I would of thought to feel. I really miss her...I guess I held more of a space in my mind and heart then I had originally thought for her. All in all the way we mourn someone and feel is something we will have to deal with. In our own ways.. The way we need to,not the way someone else points it out to be. So if your mourning,take your time. But keep your head strong enough to go on with life. None of the people we have lost would want us ruining our lives over losing them. Or being depressed or deprived from the outside world. They would want us to be happy and continue to have fun in life..

Be groovy,

Be stellar,

Love and love hard.

Rudi Jensen