Heart ache

So to be Frank,in my 42 years on earth. I have seen so many wonderful things and so many not so wonderful things. Out of everything I have seen that cause pain,hurt and broken hearts. I in my own opinion think that love loss. Is by far the worst kinda hurt we can experience. Yes some of you will agree and some will not. But that is why it is important that we all have our OWN opinions in life. So I have had many kinds of hurt pass through my life. Starting at being a child and being tossed out of my family and left to fend for myself at 15. That was such a hurtful and painful thing to experience so young. I thought all the crying and walking sad was the worst,but it went away few years later and was easier to think of. But as I got older, I seen more pain in different ways and some so harsh. I have been stabbed 13 times and once in the leg with a meat cleaver that left me walking on a cane for a year. That was a deep internal kinda pain that lasted for several years. But was easier to handle as the healing process subsided. Death I have experienced with a few,some that well took me few years to not feel the broken parts inside of me fading away. Crying is one thing,a fluttered mind is another. A temporary broken heart from death is another. But life goes on and we usually learn that fairly fast and learn to remember the good things in life. But the greatest pain I see in life at my age is love of your spouse. It just crushes you and can leave a ever lasting effect on you. Nobody to help you with your fears,push you to new levels. That feeling of being complete is far gone and dragging on. There is nobody to heal or kiss your broken wounds. Yes there will be someone else one day or maybe not. But the heart break stays and lingers for a while and has so many terrible,powerful and loving memories. That carries us into more pain as it is harder to forget. That heart jumping feeling when you see your partner when your in distress. Now you are alone,see death is very painful. But usually there is family to help ease your mind and comfort. Not saying that to make death miniscule. With a break up,divorce,having your other half fall out of love,there really is not much. Sure your family and friends be there for a bit. But endless amounts of crying usually curb that near down the road. Having all that loving energy is just gone now,so many emotions. There is nobody to sit and cuddle with when chilly or to laugh at funny stuff. There is no Netflix and chill. Yes eventually you may have that again. For myself the battle inside over losing your love life, breaks a person so bad inside. For you fell in love thinking it was your soul mate and a forever kinda thing. Never really thinking of the possibility it may expire. Sometimes the heart break of being with someone who you love,but stopped loving you. Is explosive with emotions,causing months and years of grief and healing. Because now you live and try to enjoy time with someone who you think is in love. But there is no talk,no emotional anything from them,no contact. That haunts inside pretty deep,in this day in age it is a common thing. People staying together despite of being in love or not and,just not wanting to be alone or paying the bills solo. There is very rare love nowadays,leaving most unfaithful,broken hearted or entirely sad. What can we do ? ha ha not much. Usually we are already guarded well with huge walls not wanting heart break. We all know how brutal it can be and how it can crush our normal thinking patterns. Whether we have a casual break up,nasty divorce,we were cheated on. Or just had someone live with us out of whatever reason they stayed and not tried to fulfill their mind or yours. Heart break is gonna take us down whether it be at a slow and painful rate or just slam us all at once. But in my opinion a broken heart is still by far the worst thing imaginable to happen to anyone for long term. The effects it carries,go on to new loves and relationships afar. Family,friends and lovers can all feel the effects of you being broken. Some can never get over any love,I feel kinda sorry for them. Cause we all should experience love. Just because someone broke us,don't mean someone can't fix us. Mend your hearts and continue life,hard as it may be. You deserve it to yourself and to those around you. 

Be groovy,

Be stellar,

Love hard and love well..

Rudi Jensen