Do we ever earn our redemption back

So I have asked myself this question for many years. I am sure any self learning soul does ask this question. But when do we redeem ourselves for things done wrongly ? How long does it take?. Does anyone count my good deeds comparing them to old bad ones. I have long awaited for the answer and have searched far and wide for it. Only to realize,I made redemption my self and no one else. I could go door to door for everything I have done. But when someone brutally smashed your face in years back. The last thing you want is them at your door begging for forgiveness or redemption. Drags up memories that I don't want to be reminded of and I am sure they don't want reminded. So as I search everywhere trying to feed my own mind from previous guilt. I was always a nice guy,just chose the wrong path for many years. I wonder did I leave the right foot prints in life. Did I do enough to redeem for things done,some things greater then others. We all will ponder about something we have did wrong. Whether we broke someone's heart,stole,robbed,cheated,sold dope,were a asshole or whatever you may have done. We will all seek it to move on gracefully and have redemption for things done in life. Some more then others,does not make one better then the other. But knowing you try to redeem by do greater things for things done in poor taste,anger,greed or etc. Can be a fine feeling and different experience from causing pain. But at the same time can be overwheling wondering if you are doing well enough,leaving a mindful stamp amongst others. Sometimes that feeling takes away the good. In all matters it leaves one pondering and answering questions nobody can answer. But themselves on any one of the matters,only the said person can redeem themselves. Meaning it is not always others and good deeds we need to do. We need to except the fact we went wrong. And know things are better and old ways are not present. Other then that you be fighting demons looking for redemption from everyone else or good deed after good deed. I did alot of nasty shit and even doing it I was regretting it at the time. But it was the way to survive and nobody can judge that life unless you have been there. I learned long ago that forgiving myself was what I needed. I spend my time now never beating around the bush telling life experiences and motivating. Reminding people we don't have to lose our minds because we fucked up or made a poor choice somewhere. Yes I think doing stuff in the community or helping out another plays a key role. But forgiving yourself is the real deal for redemption in my views. I searched far and wide,volunteered,did food drives,coached a wheel chair rugby team,talked with some old victims. Alot of what I thought was good deeds in the beginning was to try and make myself feel good. But after a while I realized it was just me relaxed just knowing I was a better person. And it was just me and I enjoyed the feeling. I never had anyone to help me through my tough times. Alot of people relate to what I write about,I am happy I can move some's mind to help direct them differently. It is never easy trying to forgive ourselves for things done wrong. In the end sometimes it will drive some through the roof and into a deep depression and others find a way to release the guilt. At times support is good and of course avoiding someone always reminding you you fucked up. Just cause you do someone wrong,don't mean you need a constant reminder. So if you seek support,pick your choice wisely. All in all the true answer to redeeming yourself truly is to love,trust and respect yourself. Know unless you the same shitty person,carrying addictions or etc. You will be able to remove the guilt. Like my quote says 

" Mistakes don't make a person "

We can always redeem ourselves if we wan't that inner peace.. Rudi Jensen

Be groovy

Be stellar

and always

Be YOU....