Mothers day is not the same as yours

So I hear it all the time that I should still call my Brenda  " mom" about mothers day. Well I have went 15 years without a happy birthday son and 10 years or more about Christmas. So when your own mother has no time time for you. Makes you sleep on the streets, when you can barely do a flyer route or cook a steak dinner. But made to survive on the streets, whether it was 5 times or 50 times before I moved. It is just wrong wrong and whooping my ass so much daily. Well not only did it show how much I was not liked being hit always. But sure makes you disolve in the mind... So make time for her right ? no fucking way at all. Maybe a mother some will look up to her, wont ever happen with me I only learned how to be a asshole and a alcoholic. Of course basic manners and shit, but I had to learn everything past 13 to survive in our world. Mother that, fuck that. I will never understand some thoughts... But while you were all on your way home at 13, 14 and 15 years old to sleep in a warms bed. I was searching for a warm bed to sleep, my next meal, someone to comfort the way I was feeling. Someone to tell me they loved me, just anyone to make me as a young child feel like someone cared in anyway, like I was and had a purpose. Well oh yes I was soooo bad I used to hear, me telling a parent whooping my ass to fuck off or telling someone in neighborhood to fuck off. Hardly was a reason to throw me out. But I was then and still am there against liquor and the way people are on it... But as never any grounds to put a child on the street. I was the kid that should of never been born. I have no feelings what so ever for my mother and for many years now. I spent years trying to connect and forget and move on. Well I have, she never did. Stayed the same asshole she was when we were kids, but now way worse. So when I listen to people say love your mom, whatever. Maybe if she would of changed over the years. But she never did and never will, seeing her face just makes me roar inside. Not because of my past. I got over that, but because she is the same bitter and hateful person. She hates everyone including herself. It is very sad. For the rest of my life I was always have a tear jerk watching mom's be with their kids. Listening to parents tell kids they love them or are proud of them. I never had a place to call home after 13 really. No where to feel safe as a child. Ripped me inside and out, made me a mad as hell crazy kid and young adult. Very dangerous in everyway. I was a emotional time bomb and a embarrassed one to boot. I was so young defending on my own.. As I got older I was overly protective of what I had for family. When I created my own, I felt some purpose. But still waited to be told I was a good dad or did well. Anything, but learned to accept the fact it was never gonna happen and it was not me. Was her in every way, I am always asked if I dread the day that she will pass on. I always reply, it will give me closure to the years of hell. It will be a relief if any, I know with my estranged father it was. Not a good feeling knowing you have family don't care.. I stress to everyone to keep your parental relationships if you can. If you have a parent that loves you unconditionally, seap it in. They are the one's that will be there for life. If you are estranged with family and can fix it, do it. Nothing like the love of a family. I am not talking the families that back stab each other or the families always bailing on you. True love families.. Life goes in so many different ways when it comes to thoughts on how things will go. All we can do is try to curb the one's we can and live the best we can. I don't ever look back and never will. I miss nothing anymore, I used to at one time. But then to see it is all the same and never changed. Nothing to miss in anyway.. Parents, keep your children close and love them without bailing every other week. And children stop bailing and trashing your parents feelings. Nothing like having the feeling your parents love you. Seap it in..

Rudi Jensen