Understanding death

Can we ever understand the emotionally highway of death that people go through upon sickness and disease ? I dont think so..
One may not know when, where or how they will die. And most will ponder about this moment in and out of thought throughout their life. But some do know as per part of their sickness or disease they have. And what most dont understand is the emotionally battle minds are gonna go through. Whether you yourself is gonna die or someone close to you. The battering of those around one battling the thought alone is self destructing. Let alone the person that now has a known expiry date of death. Now we may had experienced someone close to us dying of disease or sickness. But do never underestimate the trauma one's mind is gonna go through. Mood changes from emotionally torn to angry at the world and those around them. No matter if you went through it once with family or friends before. The emotions change from one to another, each person will struggle differently and some not so much. Being a onlooker can be devastating watching someone slowly lose everything about them from body to mind. One thing I never understood with people, is whether its a unknown sickness, Cancer, Aids, Heart attacks, Stroke, Car accidents and etc. Is how people compare one's fate to another, one's struggles to anothers and so on. We will never truly understand the emotions that come with those around us with great sickness or disease. Whether its us going through it ourselves or someone else. Both have trauma that is unbearable to have and some to be around. Many people dont understand the emotions of one who has the sickness. And many are left due to their mood changes, loss of income, loss of themselves and the sickness in general. Have their partners leave them, their friends and family. The way some can be hating their sickness or expiry date, the depression and madness, lack of appetite. So many emotions, none good for the lather. Is it wrong, of course it is bloody wrong, its insulting to know the one you expect by your side to bring more hurt. SUPPORT PEOPLE, When someone is one their way out in life, you make them feel loved and wanted. Or DONT be there, nothing like being there through abligation. Some people wont ask when hurting, but need the kinda hug you dont ask for. Someone just knows and gives.... Some relationships are so bad, one got sick and the other was on the way out of relationship, but stayed out of pity and obligation. So what is not needed to anyone with a expiry date. No one wants to waste their last days with someone, but still being alone. Making the last moments hell for both. No one wants fakeness or obligation around them, sick or not. But it happens and the terror on the mind is gonna leave some shearing scars. The amount and the amount of flow of emotions that come on both sides is to never be ignored. But when push comes to shove, the person with the expiry date, I am sure their mind needs the attention more at the moment. I understand it all now I am sick, I see who has wasted my time, who I thought would love me to the end. But even myself I find myself battling inside about one's who I thought would be there. When I know I shouldn't be. Fuck them right ? Not that easy, we want any relationship that will make us fit better to the end. Not one where we feel a burden to one doing more then the norm cause you cant. I was given no expiry, but live that way now known what is growing inside of me. And for me the emotions I will never understand, how to deal with them or how to share them. I was gonna hide my illness from my wife so I gave no one burden to me. I dont find myself that special. Others are the same and not. Some people wanna tell everyone they are sick. I dont even like to talk about it, rips me apart. I have talked with others and the emotionally rollar coaster they are on. I dont wanna be there and very well might be. I was so sick after treatment, I thought I was gonna die on the couch in front of my whole family for days. I pulled through it, but it was fucking hard and the battle is not over and has only begun. I write this cause I still watch people get shunned when sick, treated like shit and forgotten about. It is not talked about here in my home and by my choice, my way of dealing with mine. Sometimes even those close forget I am sick until they see my body shut down when it feels like it. I have good and bad days. But what I dont have is the ability to understand my dark thoughts, dark heart and dark moments that come and go. I dont understand how some of those around me act like they dont care, some are just obligated and that sucks. I would rather be alone then chase someone to love, cherish or take care of me when needed. The emotions others do go through around me, I dont understand that either. Some cant look me in the face and others well can hardly speak to me. Now those I have spoken too warned me people would flail away, people would show true colors. I never believed it, til I seen it. But was also told people dont know how to feel anything about it cause they are torn inside as much as the lather. So I try to understand, and will continue to learn, grow and understand ©Rudi Jensen